Dys-

gordonlevitting:

if you’re ever feeling overdramatic just remember that zelda fitzgerald once threw herself down a flight of marble stairs at a party because her husband was talking to someone else

(via khaleesi)

In psychology, there is this horrible thing called “Implicit Memory.” To quote from Robin Grille, “‘Implicit’ memory is available from birth or earlier, it is unconscious, and is encoded in emotional, sensory and visceral recall. In other words, what we don’t remember with our minds, we remember with our bodies, with our hearts and our ‘guts’ – with lasting implications for our thinking, feeling, and behaviour.” This is stuff that happened to us in the womb. This is stuff that happened to us at 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months. Things we can’t recall, but that are there. That we remember. Abandonment, stress, environmental chaos.

The chaos of your mother crying over a death while you were still a fetus. The chaos of leaving. The stress of moving. The chemicals released inside a body, not your own, that heavily influenced you.

But you don’t know that.

Because you will try to blame things on an experience that you remember. A departure, an argument, a death, a break-up, a something, anything, that offers an explanation. But there will be none.

All of our explanations are stored in the implicit. The chemical reactions. The unconscious memory. Some abstruse abyss.

And my dreams are wearin’ thin
All I need’s relief
I need I need some sympathy

Look at me

I just can’t believe
What they’ve done to me

It isn’t enough.

It will never be

   e n o u g h

I fucking hate you please get over yourself, k thanks.